Last week I posed a question to social media. I’ve been thinking about and inspired recently by the idea of contentment. The collection of responses basically presented a paradox. It’s funny how I went in thinking I had a really firm grasp of what contentment means for me and now my perspective maybe hasn’t changed, but it has widened. 

Folks expressed a range of experiences with contentment…It comes and goes, it’s a choice, it’s not a choice, we are human, we have to work towards it, sometimes we can drop into it, sometimes we can’t, some people are naturally more content than others…and on and on. The thing I loved the most about the responses is the number one prescribed gateway was resoundingly…gratitude. Over half of the responses included something about gratitude.

I make gratitude lists regularly. I dwell on the delicious hot coffee, the way the cat purrs, the feeling of comfort a certain friend gives me. Ross Gay’s Book of Delights really inspired me a few years ago. He spent a year writing an essay a day about delightful things. The delights aren’t just simple fluffy happy things. They are curious and complex. Which makes them even more interesting to ponder. I love this about gratitude. We can be thankful for very simple pleasures, but we can also dig deeper into bigger concepts and shift our perspective on complex ideas that are full of grey area. Moving us from indifference or even struggle into something softer and more open. In the past I’ve used this to bypass hard emotions, searching tirelessly for a silver lining when something goes terribly wrong. My goal is to learn to toe the line of looking for good. Darkness is a teacher as well and discontent can inspire. 

Here I am thinking about contentment and you all reminded me that there is no one right way to look at it. It is as complex as any human state of being or emotion. What I do hope, is that this year we all have some moments of contentment where there is nothing we want more than this, right now…whatever that may look like. Maybe we will have to force it a little, or really slow down, or maybe those moments will just come and give us a good slap in the face.

Here’s a few quotes I pulled from people’s responses about contentment. 

“I think a person could have all the conditions right and never feel content because of inner struggle, and I think a person can have all the conditions wrong and still have the ability to drop into their own deep quiet. So, I think that contentment is an awareness, a choice, and a way of being that a person can become. I think it can happen more easily when the circumstances support it. I believe that either way, it’s an inside job, and it’s also an embodied skill that can be gained with intention, over time.” - Stephanie Bogue

“There are small choices that are made to steer a life towards radical acceptance of things you cannot control.” - Debbie Waltman

“The power of choice opens up what you might be missing around you or not valuing enough.” - AJ Ramirez

“I don’t think lack of contentment is bad. Maybe our spirit prodding us for a change” - Laura Slotemaker

Here’s a little poem I wrote as an end of year reflection. There’s a visual version of it over on my instagram.

Is it already out on the table?
Soft butter flecked with salt
Steaming loaf of bread…sourdough
May I? 
I ask as if I don’t already have 
A serrated knife moving towards
That perfectly crisped shell

Is it within walking distance?
The green grass, towering trees,
The groaning, beaming landscapes
In perfect seasonal dress
May I?
I ask as if I’m not already moving 
My heavy limbs and tear soaked cheeksTo face the sun
Even though its rays are hidden 
I feel their force through the clouds
Still
Wild

I’m unsure
If I’m alone
If I’m even allowed
I’m unsure if I’m capable 
Of appreciating or
Fully understanding myself
My place in this world

I’m not sure if I will love 

Yet here I am 
Surrounded by 
Its hold, 
Its sight, 
Its sense, 
Its charm 
Its plain, 
Mundane,
Everydayness 

My friends can attest…
I have many times asked the question, 
“What is being in love?” 
I am so full of questions 
Translation from my therapist:
I am so full of anxiety

My adopted pet companions 
Piling their soft fur on the comforter
Just close enough to reach behind their ears 
Scratches at dawn 
Only after breakfast

The dollars that leave my bank account 
To pay for this house that holds 
The feeling of home 
Where I smoosh clay 
and paint and thoughts 
and words and color 
and sounds together 
to make things

The faces of all the people I love 
The wrinkles around our eyes 
Showing how many years we have been
All together 
Maps of the moments we traverse
Alone that always lead us back 
The babies who are now big kids 
The big kids who are now adults 
The parents who are now grandparents

The smiles and spirits of 
Those who are now just memories 
Even in the connections we release 
The complex endings of stories
It is all love 
Even the losses
It is love 

They say grief is just love with no where to go 
We all carry so much damn grief
A world full of it
Pounding us down, down, down
Pouring cold water on our steaming hearts 
Flashing blinding lights in our hungover eyes
Ouch 
Love with nowhere to go
It hurts

We will find more places to put 
This lost, winding, wandering love 
We will find imperfect moments 
To wrap our orphaned love around 
We will find the right words
The right songs
The right brush strokes 
To become a channel for all that grief-love
And as those wrinkle maps 
Around our eyes deepen, the roads 
Are always pointing us back home towards each other 

January 18th - The Chameleon

Playing solo in a songwriter round style show with my good friends, Max and Scotty. Rumor has it, we might pull from the Super Sparkle archive for a few tunes! Excited for this show in the cozy basement of the Chameleon. I just recently saw a show in the basement there and it was such a lovely experience. This show is all ages and starts a bit on the early side with doors at 6pm.

January 25 - J Bone’s Musicland

This show is going to be opening for my buddies Automatic Shoes and Time Worm. I’ll be putting a little ensemble together for this show to play some of my solo tunes. Should be a really nice, intimate night of music. The space is super high quality as it doubles as a recording studio.

January 27th - Alcohol & Feelings

We are back at Maxwell House for our monthly country cover show! It’s been a few months and I’m excited to be back with friends playing our favorite tunes.